now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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