that's an acceptable place to lick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
