My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
