It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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