It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
