What a fucking waste of an outfit
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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