every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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