my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
