She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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