i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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