I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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