3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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