I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
