well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
