my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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