i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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