just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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