Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
