Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
