things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
