i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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