After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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