Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
