I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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