last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
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