dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
