Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
