I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
