this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
