It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
