Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
