You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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