As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
if only i could text you this smell
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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