I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
