I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
