Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "