i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth