My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can you bring me the toilet please
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
