Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
