And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
