i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
