you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
