what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
