I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
