I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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