my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize