those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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