i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
