dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
