dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
