I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
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I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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