I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
