don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
