I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
