I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
