I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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