she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
