If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
