Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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