Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
