ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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