There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
