I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
