I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Even my vagina gasped.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
