It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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