My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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