So drunk its hurt
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
