i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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