I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Bring me that man meat
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
