So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he thought i was a dude.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
