you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize