What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I faked an abortion last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
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I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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