no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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