Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
