why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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