OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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