I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
