I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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