why didn't you poke me back
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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