Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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